Truth.. it ain't all butterflies and rainbows...

Dear Future Mothers of America,

 These are the things your friends won't tell you because they don't want to scare you. 

After recent events, ask me anything.. I WILL be honest with you. I WILL prepare you to the best of my ability. It ain't all rainbows and butterflies ladies, and anyone who says it is must be addicted to their pain pills  and have a live-in nanny.

This..... is the truth....

http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/9/23/happily-after-giving-birth-10-things-they-dont-tell-you.html

And my totally biased comments:

1.) This ain't NO lie gals, go to your nearest pharmacy and stock up on these for home. You won't be sorry.

2.) I looked, and it's a good thing I did because my sparkle box had pulled her most dramatic Scarlette O'hara fainting spell and tried to roll over and die. You WILL look like Frankenstien down there, don't be scared. Also, snag as many peri-bottles (the bottle you squirt your pee off with) from the hospital as you have bathrooms at home. That way you aren't toting it around or trying to run to the bathroom that has it. You WON'T be running anywhere. :) My sweet husband went to pick me up an extra from Wal-Mart, I just assumed they would have something similar.... he came back with this...

Funny thing is, it's my favorite hose down bottle. hahaha

3.) Plan on wearing the same thing home that you wore to the hospital. You will only go down from 9 months to 6 months pregnant.

4.) I cried more in the week after Tuck arrived than I did my ENTIRE pregnancy. True story. You are going to be soooo overwhelmed with the instantaneous love you feel for your bundle of joy that you won't know how to process it. 

It. is. okay. 

Let it out, cry baby cry. 

5.) I haven't experienced this yet, however I never got those luscious model locks as everyone promised, nor the boobs. I continued taking my prenatal vitamins after because I was nursing and I assume that's why I still have hair.

6.) Prime example number 1 of things not being rainbows and butterflies. I just assumed that babies came out diligently searching for the milk source on your chest. That's the sole purpose of boobs right??? Well.... it's not that easy for everyone. Not all babies pop out and latch on. For numerous reasons it doesn't work out for everyone, and sometimes it doesn't work out for those who want it the most. Don't get discouraged. Keep on trying. It will happen if you can keep with it. If not, there is nothing wrong with pumping. (warning, it's mundane and miserable). There is also NOTHING wrong with formula. I'm a formula baby, and I think I am pretty awesome. Tuck is now completely a formula baby and he is thriving. I am tempted to break the pump back out however because the ole jugs are still a leakin'. It's seriously frustrating. Another note, breastfeeding with leave your knockers lifeless afterwards. Be prepared for that. Just another rainbow for ya.

7.) Keep this one thing in mind.. if you go to jail, you CAN NOT care for that sweet baby you just brought into the world.

8.) There is no lie behind this. I felt like I was sleeping in the pits of hades. All. the. time. This lasted a good month for me. 

9.) I never experienced this in full force since I only nursed for 2 weeks. (thanks malfunctioning sparkle box that put me back into the hospital) I did experienced some pain, and I can't imagine how bad it could get. 

10.) Truth. 3 enemas in 2 days. This is real life at its finest folks. Eat raisins, drink prune juice, lots of leafy greens and for goodness sake... take your freaking Colace like there's a shortage about to hit. I started it 2 weeks or more before due date and still thought I was dying when Brutis (my first poo) was delivered. Tears were shed. Not happy ones. 


Here's wishing all you preggers a safe and speedy labor, delivery and recovery.